Saturday, August 30, 2008
plethora of emotions
University life has already started. It feels like being back in jc once again, the hectic pace of life overwhelming me.
School work is taking its toll on me. There are so many readings to read! Especially since i'm taking content heavy subjects like pol sci, history, jap studies, bio and german this semester. Well, every module and subject seems hard to me! Haha. I feel I haven't been studying much since school started. Gotta start mugging! I've got to keep up with the current affairs as well as familiarise myself with history. Wish I had taken history in jc instead.
I know I shouldn't join so many activities like I used to, but I can't help it. I'm suffering from internal conflicting interests. This stubborn compulsive streak in me wants to join karate, windsurfing, taekwondo, bizcom and hall track, swimming, band and dance. You better channel your energy to studying and mugging! I can't afford to slack anymore.
So many things have happened and looking back, it's like a blurry flurry of commotion. Time and tide waits for no man. I know it's time to grow up but there's this strong reluctance in me. It's rationality against my emotions.
What do I really want in life? What's my greatest fear? To just be another average person? I'm unsure and lost. Perhaps it's time to delve into philosophical theories or spiritual aspects of life. Have I spent 19 years of my life fruitfully? I have to get out of this haphazard and unstable state of emotions. Let me be enlightened.
It's a facade, a guise, a falsity. I have to accept the fact that I'm not that strong-willed anymore.
I need someone to protect me too.
School work is taking its toll on me. There are so many readings to read! Especially since i'm taking content heavy subjects like pol sci, history, jap studies, bio and german this semester. Well, every module and subject seems hard to me! Haha. I feel I haven't been studying much since school started. Gotta start mugging! I've got to keep up with the current affairs as well as familiarise myself with history. Wish I had taken history in jc instead.
I know I shouldn't join so many activities like I used to, but I can't help it. I'm suffering from internal conflicting interests. This stubborn compulsive streak in me wants to join karate, windsurfing, taekwondo, bizcom and hall track, swimming, band and dance. You better channel your energy to studying and mugging! I can't afford to slack anymore.
So many things have happened and looking back, it's like a blurry flurry of commotion. Time and tide waits for no man. I know it's time to grow up but there's this strong reluctance in me. It's rationality against my emotions.
What do I really want in life? What's my greatest fear? To just be another average person? I'm unsure and lost. Perhaps it's time to delve into philosophical theories or spiritual aspects of life. Have I spent 19 years of my life fruitfully? I have to get out of this haphazard and unstable state of emotions. Let me be enlightened.
It's a facade, a guise, a falsity. I have to accept the fact that I'm not that strong-willed anymore.
I need someone to protect me too.
# posted by trace* : 2:57 AM
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